This Lynx has her paws tied behind her back
UGH! My hands are tied behind my back! I met a woman a while ago. Yes we did have sex, (I'm sorry Az as I know you don't want to hear things like that) But to be honest, there was a meaningful feeling towards each other before that. Anyways, I'm going to rant here. I can't stand it! I just can't stand it! I know she is married and is bisexual. But I can already tell she only married him because she was lonely and felt since she was a single mother, she had no choice. She only knew him three months and got married. They have only been married three months and he treats her like crap. Behind her back, he had a private unofficial ceremony with his ex girlfriend. He wants to have what is called a "triad" To me this is not right. I know when a woman is bisexual, it's not uncommon for her to be married and in an open marriage and I would never ruin a bond of marriage, but even before me, he still wants his married ex-girlfriend. Against her will, he shares a bed with her, his ex, her husband and him. OMG! Four adults? She comes crying to me to vent. I try to tell her certain things but right away she says she loves him and stuff. I see myself as I used to be years ago. Always defending him no matter what the rotten things he would do. A few weeks ago, I mentioned on a voice mail I should tell his ex (just to get her to get the hell out) next thing you know, I'm a bad guy. Before this, they wanted me and unknowing to me, I was to be a secret. Why in the hell are they so afraid of her? There is something they are not telling me....or atleast him. There are so many more things to this story but this poor girl was never aware of them when she got married. Now she and her kids are at risk because these folks (her hubby and his ex and husband) are dealing with children services. They gave her an innocent story but I have dwelt with this same agency and I know they don't take shit nor do they lie. I know there is something they are not telling her and she and her girls are in danger. I want to protect her. I want to keep her and her kids away from this. It kills me to see how she is so upset and sad how he has sex with his ex and when she complains, he and his triad gang up on her and say she is trying to break up the triad. I am probably the only stable one in her life that she has met in years. I sent her an IM today telling her there are more resources than just Turning Point (women's shelter here) and Welfare. Yes, I do work with children services as a friend and help others, not by money but only as a good Samaritan. I know resources, councilors and phone numbers that can help her. I just want to pull out my hair. Today "he" sent me an IM and I was cold and basicaly let it be known that he used me. I never wanted to ever be with him, I only wanted her. I hated how he "ya know" but heck, I wanted her so I gave him a "courtesy" ya know. I hate threesomes. She wants to speak with me, she wants to speak with anyone and he stops her. There are more things but I don't feel like typing all night. I worry greatly about her. *bangs head against desk in frustration

Hey hun, no worries about what you write here. That's what this room is about! :) As for your friend, I see that you are trying to help her and I applaud you for that, but it could be that she may not want help. Best I can tell you is to be there for her, but if it gets too deep, back off and give yourself some room. Best advice I can give you right now hun.

I had to back off because she told me she loves him and doesn't need help. I really do wish her the best and told her of the options she has. I wash my hands of it and hope for the best. But like my lil sister taught me......it wasn't a mistake with her, it was a learning experiance. She told me I am still learning about my new identity and how to accept and deal with it. Sure I'm comfortable being a lesbian but my mother calling me everyday and bringing up the subject of me being gay isn't helping. It's confusing the hell out of me, saying things like I'm just afraid of men like she and her mother was. (they were both very abused by men and I can't talk about it publicly...I'll tell you in private but not here) She and her mother never became lesbians but what she doesn't understand is I liked girls since as early as I can remember. She is starting to blame herself because she got drunk when she was pregnant with me so I feel bad because she is blaming herself. She also brought up the fact I was beaten up as a kid from boy bullies in school all the way up till graduation in high school. Can you believe one of those bullies went to college where I went an harassed me there? She says I need to learn that all men don't hit. Yeah right, you show me a man that doesn't hit a woman and I'll show you a gay man. Sure at times I do kind of think of men but sorry, after what I went through, I'm never going back and I'm going with something that comes natural. I'll never be dependent on a man ever again. I want others to depend on me and love me, not hate me. So I have that to deal with.

Well I think you did right by letting that one woman be. You did try to help her and sometimes that's the only thing you can do. If she doesn't want help at this point in time, then that's just how it has to be. As for your mom, I don't know her well enough to say much, but I do think that it will be a long time before she completely accepts it. One thing you should let her know is that it is not her fault nor men's fault for you being lesbian. It's who you are, it's who God made you and you and I both know that He don't make mistakes. ;) She says I need to learn that all men don't hit. Yeah right, you show me a man that doesn't hit a woman and I'll show you a gay man. Now I do have to disagree with you on this one. My step dad never hit my mother, none of my brothers have hit their wives or girlfriends, my father in law never hit either of his two wives, and Jesse has never hit me and they are all straight men. The problem is that men learn from their fathers and if the father or male figure in their lives are abusive to women then most likely they will follow suit. If the male figure or father decides that abuse is not the answer, then the son will stay away from abuse as well. Now there are acceptions to these rules, but I think you can see where I'm coming from. Every man is different and not all men are abusive or decide to use their fist first. Many men use compassion and reasoning instead. At least that is what I have seen in my life.

I honestly think my problem is perhaps I'm not really a lesbian. Sure I have my doubts but when I chat with friends, they tell me I am and I should go with what makes me feel comfortable. Well too late, I already said I was a lesbian but now I'm having doubts and starting to find guys attractive. but hell, I burnt my bridges.....I told everyone I'm a lesbain and so now I have to be one. If I don't keep this up, I'll look insane, like I can't make up my mind and that I'm insane and un reliable. Hell, you hear being unreliable for ten years, you won't take chances of looking like a failure and I have so many doubts. Perhaps I am bisexual because lately I've been finding men extreamly attractive but oh oh! Too late, you said you were a lesbian. I don't want to look nuts or insane. Az, you know how already how everyone looks down on me so that holds me back. I made my bed and now I must sleep in it...I have to be a lesbian now. Besides, when I do like men. I like big men with large shoulders and large arm but there is a drawback to that..............they hit harder.

You don't have to be anything you don't want to be, no one but you can say who you are. Life and what happens in it is never predictable. If it were, there would be no fun in life, no mystery, romance, or joy. So you announced that you were lesbian, now you announce that you do like men, there's nothing at all wrong with that. You are still trying to find yourself and it's more then ok to jump back and forth until you find a place that is comfortable and right for you. But please don't let anyone force you to believe something about yourself that you know deep down inside is not right. I think you know what I mean dear. If at anytime you do decide to give men a chance, yes, be cautious, but don't compare them to other men in your life. You might be surprised at how mature a man can be. The same can be said about any women you might date as well. JMHO hun. Whoop! There's the bell, my time on the internet is up now so I better close out, but I wanted to check this topic to see how you were doing hun. Hope I can talk to you more later on. Love ya sis!!!